FEEL SOMETHING

I needed you to feel for me.  Whatever that feeling was, I didn't care....just feel.  Pain was just as good as pleasure.  How did I measure the way a person felt about me?  It was easy.  I would measure how much he loved me by the love he would show me and also by how upset he would get.  Both emotions was necessary for my validation that he cared.   He cared enough to feel something and that's what I needed.  The worst thing to me was no reaction.  That meant he didn't feel anything.  I never wanted him numb with me, for, me, from me, or with me.  FEEL SOMETHING!  I would do and say things to provoke a strong emotion, regardless of what that emotion would be.  I wanted that power, that control that I could be the one to make you feel the happiest and the same to inflict upon you the most pain.  I just wanted you to feel for me.  Over time though, you learn the difference between healthy love and unhealthy.  This was unhealthy.