Unfulfilled Fill In

What's really the point in a fill in if it doesn't really fill in?  What is the point of a substitute if it doesn't really do the job?

I signed up for a night of pure casual sex no strings attached.  My body was craving the feel of another in  a very intimate, sensuous way.  I was looking for satisfaction of physical.  I needed to unload.

Who was I fooling I thought to myself after they left.  This isn't what I want, countless nights of visits from merely bodies no real or true connection.  Sex is sweet but nothing without emotions.  I use to be able to detach myself from any kind of emotional attachment and sex as much as I wanted feeling ok with myself.  Is it my age?  Is it because I've realized my value?  Is it because I truly crave for something more?

Maybe it is a combination of all those things.  One thing's for sure and that is there really isn't a substitute for love and companionship.  I can't continue like this.  I can't stay frozen with my heart.  I can't sex my way through this period in my life.

I have to do something about this.  I must take this one for the team, #TEAMLOVE!

As the late Whitney Houston said,"I'm saving all my love."  There's to much of me to place in the wrong hands.  I truly walk in wholeness now and I can no longer separate my dick from my heart and the rest of me.  We are now one moving forward as a force.  I grew up and so much more matters to me.